I Envy You
by Wooshers
Summary: Faith to Dawnheart to heart.
1. Chapter 1

((What Ive always wanted to say to _that_ girl.))

Faith climbs into Dawn's window.She's about ten now.Yes,the monks did touch up her memory also.Dawn's sleeping,of course,it IS around two in the morning.She's wrapped up in her pink blanket,her hair fanned out on her pillow.Mr Gordo is in a death grip.Faith has to smile at that.She takes a seat on her bed.The weight shift wakes up the girl.Her blue eyes blink away the sleep."Faith?" The older girl nods."You're evil."She nods again."Im sorry."Dawn mutters sadly. Faith looks at the little girl,so young.Theres silence.Then...

"I envy you.So much."Faith says.Its Dawns' turn to look confused. "You still see the world.The way we were all supposed to until we fucked it all up.You see people.I cant do that.Buffy cant.You're the only one.I envy you so much." Her blue eyes widen."What?" Faith continues like she cant hear her,"Its not fair.That youre going to get fucked up.Its not fair that you'll have to face this world." Dawn sits there and takes it all in. Faith shakes her head,her brown hair covering her face. "Big sis is going to be home now.See you around,squirt." With that she's gone through the window.

((I cant say it to her anymore because she did get all fucked up.Im sorry that none of us couldve saved you from that.))


	2. Chapter 2

((Second Chapter.I feel accomplished.Lol.I wrote this in French since I dont like French very much.My mind tends to wander then I end up writing and writing.Yes,the CURSE words were supposed to be part of the first chapter.Im sorry if it offended you in anyway.I just upped the rating.Enjoy))

_I envy you..._

Its been at least three years since you've seen her.Well,the body switch doesn't count since you didn't really exsist then.You didn't really exsist when she snuck into your room to talk.It hurt that night because you knew you weren't going to see her anymore.Because Buffy always wins.And you were right.Oh,how you cried.Joyce thought it was because you didn't win the Justin Timberlake tickets.Xander and Willow thought it was because Angel almost died,they thought you loved him the way Buffy did.But they were all wrong,so wrong.

So she's back.Standing right next to your sister,light and dark,good and evil.But she isn't evil anymore,so they say.So you fix her with your best blue eyed 'Im going to kill you if you breathe wrong' glare.And she just smirks back and calls you a brat.You leave her with the others and wonder if she still envies you.

_Look,the brats all womanized._

God,its been so long.You wonder if she remembers what you told her in her room that night.It seems like its been so long since she's been that young.Now you can see in her eyes.That the world got to her.Fucked her up.The way it fucks everyone up eventually.You wonder what was it.You can't really come up with anything.Maybe it's because Buffy died and now she's back but not right.You can tell right away.Buffy's not right.You can tell that she wants her big sister back.The one who beat the evil away with Mr. Pointy and who would yell at her for borrowing a sweater.By her eyes,her actually haunted blue eyes,you know that Buffy doesn't say much to her anymore.

It takes you all of your power to stop yourself from hugging her.From telling her it's alright because the world gets to everyone sooner or later.And that she's so grown up and strong to survive all that she has gone through.Instead you smirk and she leaves you and you want to call out to her.Tell her that you still envy her.

((Im sorry if it doesnt make any sense.But thats how my mind works.There might be more.Im not sure.Depends on how I feel in French.Review and make me happy?))


	3. Chapter 3

((New Chapter.I loved the idea.Working through all of the seventh season.Not going to continue after all the episodes are done.I find it strange how they continue some of the seasons with characters.Though some authors pull it off very well.Im guessing TWO episodes per chapter.Makes it longer.Everyone loves a longer chapter.))

Empty Places

_My life.._

This is what its reduced to now?Taking care of brats who will become ME when I finally die.Ive come to realize that no one lives forever.Fang told me that,in the alley.Now Im sitting here,chatting with Red's girl.Another brat.Oh goody.Hell,she even pulled a low blow towards B.Even Miss Bitch doesnt deserve that.Xander,Xan Man,he doesnt have an eye anymore.Oh god.He's the one who sees right?I doubt it now.I cant help but find so much irony in that.I guess Caleb found it too.Many of the girls are dead.B couldnt see.She wants to win.I know she'll give any of us to win.Even Dawnster.But not Fang 2.Not Spike.He's too special.I see that already.Ive been here for three or four days,they blur together now,and I already see that she will pick him above everyone else.Dont we feel special?Dawnies scared.We all are.I guess thats how its supposed to be.Especially when somethings out to kill us that is so old and evil.But Ive been evil.Im not sure of what we can do.Or if we will even survive this.I look at her more now.Dawn.I smile a little too.Thats good work.I hope it comforts her.Thats the way its suppose to work.I hope that the Powers That Be drop dead and rot in hell.Or better yet,get eaten by a Turok-han.That would be bitchin'.But theyre up there,looking down on us or whatever bullshit.And they arent helping us,guiding us,anything.While little girls with pink ribbons in their hair are getting torn into pieces.I guess thats the way its supposed to be.

_Caleb was part of a monestary..I think..Thats not a knothole.._

Helping Giles again.So much fun.Its sort of like a mystery.But it envolves all these girls' lives.And our lives.Im so scared.I cant tell anyone.I think the only person who actually tells me straight out is Faith.And its not even that straight out.Its more of a look.Like 'We might die.How do you feel about that?' kind of look.And I look back with my 'Im too scared to say anything'.Its so hard.To see Xander with his one eye.With missing places at the table,even though its still full to bursting.Molly.She was so sweet.Saying things in her Gile's accent.Faith said she was a Mini-Giles and maybe she should start wearing glasses.Even now that makes me smile.Except now Im the Mini-Giles,with the files and information.I guess this is how its supposed to be.Maybe not.I wish Tara were still alive.She would provide direct comfort,not just looks across the room or a slight smile before heading off to bed.Which by the way isnt so far from mine.But this is how its supposed to be.I wish the Powers That Be didnt exsist and we could create our own fate.But I guess this is the way its supposed to be.

((Um.I made some Dawn's italic-y part.I just couldnt find anything really.But I hope it fits sort of.This was drabble.Which reminds me I need to make up some drabble fic.I have so many in my binder.Ill work on that next.Review this story and Ill give you a cookie and umm..Ill play THE IRISH WASHERWOMAN for you on Violin.))


	4. Chapter 4

((Im loaded with soda and some popcorn..and its only noon!Heres the new..chapter?

Me:Yes yes I does play violin.Good to know someone can follow my 'train' of thought.

Good Twin:Thank you so much for the really good review.I feel special.

:throws violin shaped cookies,they exsist,at everyone: Here I Go Again..))

**TOUCHED**

_Then you cant be here._

She's gone.The only person who really cared,who DIED for me,is gone.And I told her to leave.Oh god.Im a horrible person.Im sick.Im scum.I want Buffy back.She would know what to do.Even if she did go a little crazy with Caleb.Giles,Willow and Xander wont look at each other.They know what they did was wrong.Oh god.I feel sick.I race to the bathroom and close the door.The SITs wont bother me.Not after I told Rona to shut up.They didnt know the little sister had a backbone.Please.Ive been doing this longer than them.Thats why I should have known better to throw the one person who could protect us out the door.My face is near the toliet bowl.I heave air into the toliet.I cant breathe.The door opens and Im too tired to tell them off.I cant believe it.She's gone again.This time it IS our fault.And we have no one left to blame but ourselves.Not even a HellGoddess or a Master vampire.The door closes.A cool hand is pressed to my forehead.Tears are still running down my face.We cant go on without her.I cant go on without her."Open your eyes."A husky voice says gently.Faith.I can still see her without opening my eyes.Worried brown eyes,full lips parted waiting for my eyes to open.She looks just like how I thought."Its okay."She pulls me in for a hug and I sob into her shirt for the whole night.I cant believe I let her go.

_Woah.Wait what the hell?_

Im the leader now.The most fucked up slayer in history.And they made me their leader.This is so wrong.B should be here.Not walking around Sunnydale where the First could get her.This is sick.The Scoobies cant look at each other.Red goes into the kitchen with her bitch girlfriend.Replaced the stuttering model I guess.Pity,I could tell she was good and worth it.Stupid Red.X..with his one eye,I cant give him shit.He has a reason to kick her out.But I thought better of him.G-man.I cant believe her WATCHER,probably the only one good watcher out there.This is sick.And D.Dawnie.She had to do what she had to do.After that she just crumbled.I watched as she ran into the bathroom,heard her dry heaves.This isnt right.I cant be leader.I go into the bathroom and watch the lil sis cry and try to get the sickness out of her.Its not a flu bug or anything.Its guilt.Deep inside of her.She knows how I feel now.How after I killed Finch I ran into my crappy hotel room and tried to get it all out.I sit next to her and hold her.Let her cry herself out.No one could do this for me back then.I wouldnt let them.Ill be damned if I let D become just like me.

**END OF DAYS**

Oh god.Shes actually going to go after The First.With a bunch of SITs.They cant fight.They cant survive.I can.I want to go.No.Im too special.Damn her.Giles came back.Buffy's back.Oh god.Faith.No.Shes..not even awake.I crept into her room and stood next to her.I slipped into bed with her and held her like she did to me.I heard Buffy come in around two.She stood there and looked.Then she left with the door gently closing shut.I missed her.But right now,Faith needs help.I dont think she can feel anything.I heard Xander say she wouldve probably be dead by now if she wasnt a slayer.Just like the Potentials that went with her.Does that mean shes like Buffy now?No.Buffy knew what was going to happen..Faith didnt.Please.Just wake up Faith.

((I couldnt do much for End Of Days..Faith is..comatose right now.Yes yes.I dont really like the last one but it goes like DAWN FAITH DAWN..just in case you couldnt tell..O.o;; Read n Review))


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